You have 1, I have 1, we all have at-least 1. That person who drives us bat shit crazy and for one reason or another, we let it happen. Again. and Again. and Again.
The passive aggressive comment. The non stop bullshit drama. The shame. The poking. The ridicule. The “AHHHHHH This MOTHER FU*****” type of shit.
I wrote a simple blog sometime back that encouraged people to find happiness by cutting the baggage out of their life. The toxic people. The shitty food. The bad habits. Yada yada yada. The premise is simple. Don’t worry about doing something NEW to find happiness. Just cut the weight of the shit HOLDING YOU DOWN. Don’t start by eating insanely healthy. Start by NOT eating insanely unhealthy. Set YOUR BAGGAGE ON FIRE.
And for some of you, it worked. You came back and said, I am done with this toxic person. Which brings me to this new rant. How do you really know when you should completely abandon ship? Relationships require work like anything else. So how do we know that we’re not just throwing in the towel a little too soon?
Well, while reading TRIBE, I came up with 2 tests that I give myself.
Test 1: Do I absolutely hate every interaction with this person? Do I have dinner and leave feeling like a bag of shit. Do they annoy me with every word?
This test is the easy one. If yes, just get yourself away from these people as fast as possible. If you physically can’t becuase they are relatives or in laws or neighbors, just do so mentally. I call this putting them in the closet. I literally pretend like they are in a closet. I hear their words and I respond by being nice and sincere, but I honestly could give two shits about anything they have to say.
Test 2: If this person were with you in a terrible catastrophe, could you rely on them with your life? Could you find a way to comfort one another? To laugh again? To work together? To share in each others thoughts while the world crumbles around you?
If the answer is, “No”, or “if I absolutely had to”, you should say peace out STAT. But, if you find comfort in the thought of being with this person and finding a way back to relying on one another and enjoying each others presence, thoughts, laughs…..then you have something broken worth fixing. Society and chaos is somehow intervening in something special. I am not a psychologist or relationship expert, but this may be worth a long talk over a cup of coffee. Avoid useless convo. Get real. Open up. Show your vulnerabilities and talk through your pain and annoyances. Be honest. With you and with them. If you have to let them go in the end, you will feel better for at least opening up.
If this resonated with you or you liked, please consider following. It’s fuel for my fire in this massive labor of love :-).